In and out of their lives,
was I really ever there?
I taught them to swim and
believe in themselves.
I came and I went, without fail.
We would meet, and begin
to experience together not alone.
I loved to be underwater, and
thought that I chose.
I swim as if I only exist there,
I am strong and have endurance
that sets me free.
people will take it all
In and out of the lives of people
I learned to give in
What had you done
you know before you came here.
If you were a thief, well leave me
and do not take from the
experience. Some spaces are sacred.
Some faces are so scared.
There is so much to tell,
yet there is too much to say.
We both know we listened to each
other; realistically a long as we
care, and we individually are the
main subject. I listened. Mostly.
I heard what no one else did, I thought
and processed as everyone else did not.
Your thoughts are original and lack
the chains which bind others from
ever getting heard. Their problem.
We were an us and then I said ..
I know the power of words.
I know what I said.
I am so sorry, I want to eat them
I want to beg you back….
What I want doesn’t matter.
Instinct tells me you will wait for me to burn.
The thing that drove me to
split us like winter wood with an ax
is the important part. It was
unclear and still it is etched in my
soul, It isn’t safe in my life right now.
You know why you instinctively
gave me space, no not sex, the
other voice whispering on the other shoulder
saying you can’t save her.
If you heard that then you heard
it say nor can she save you.
You didn’t run, but you did leave
an empty chair in my room.
Slowly, methodically and who
knows maybe it was good.
I am slower to the epiphanies
of my seemingly fractured sensible
ways as they frey from the friction
caused by slowed moment of
combustion and those sworded words
leave my face.
I am in pain.
I am fighting a war that only I can
change. There are innocent victims and
then there are assholes that knew they would
be hurt and allowed it, they need to be victim.
You do not. I will say, that
everyday I live and breathe,
I will be thinking and you will be in the way.
I wish I were a nicer person
I wish I had a million dollars
both statements are inadequate
both fall short for reality
I am not a hole
black hole sucking the life right out of
every nice girl I just want to get along
That is after I blow up the sun
Then I would cool off and yes
like I can feel better than I do right now
anger is such an intense emotion
it isn’t neat or nice but it is
I’m gonna say it
It will be mostly a loud whisper
feels like I am screaming
I have to compete with
The constant bumper car like
dance of chemicals in my brain
I can keep them on tracks
I can even move the tracks
You are a complete version of what you seek
you couldn’t fill ten minutes of my need
I don’t want I need to be
talked to like a human being.
I see them in my path. Wild eyes,
they are animals and scared,
fight or flight, staring at me ..
I see them all now,
these days they aren’t scared of me
I guess I am not scary and never
wanted to be
can you hear me?
I can speak up but you have to
tell me what you need.
I will feed them the animals,
they eat, sleep and breed.
How dare they rest in my
presence, how dare they
…. how scared..
are they when all they can
see and hear is me and I am a
body of growing need